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Bob Who and The Little Criminals tracks recorded from 2007 through 2017. In addition to final engineering, mixing and mastering, Bob Who (Robert Ben Mitchell) wrote all these songs, and provided vocals and rhythm guitar on all of the tracks. The Little Criminals, an assortment of musicians for hire, provided all other instrumentation.


Copyright © 2017, Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.

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released October 21, 2017

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Track Name: Your God
Your God
03/23/08 - NMB

(preamble)

Brothers and sisters, I’ve come to talk to you today about churches.

There are many kinds of churches in the world today brothers and sisters. As for me, I belong to the Church of the Holy Smart Ass, where we say if you think you’re smart, you’re probably an ass.

Now, we at the Church of the Holy Smart Ass believe in just two things. The first thing we at the Church of the Holy Smart Ass believe is that religion is like masturbation, in that it should be enjoyed to the full extent of the law, but in the privacy of your own home.

Now the second thing that we at the Church of the Holy Smart Ass believe in is that god is like masturbation, in that if you get too close, things get messy and sticky.

Now there’s only one thing that we at the Church of the Holy Smart Ass dislike, and those are the religious freaks who say that their god is the god, the one and only god who is everywhere and everything to everyone all of the time now and forever, and if you disagree with them, well then they have the right to kill you.

These people piss us off. So when we at the Church of the Holy Smart Ass run into one of these religious weirdos, we like to sing them this song.

(song)

My friend you say your god’s the one
And he orders you to kill everyone
Who disagrees with what he tells you to do
Well let me tell you a thing or two
About what your god has been up to
And then maybe you will sing a different tune

Your god made Lucifer
Moa Tse-Tung, Adolf Hitler
Your god really has got some gall
Your god made world war two
And wiped out nearly all the jews
Your god really has done it all

Your god made the inquisition
Breast cancer and drug addiction
Ain’t there nothin that you’re god can’t do
Your god gave us the plague
And all them African American slaves
So we must owe your god everlasting gratitude

Your god made radioactive waste
And put toxins in Chinese toothpaste
But that’s not all that your god has done
Your god made the KKK
The NRA and Ronald Reagan
It must be a sin to have a god that’s so much fun

Have fun...

Your god gave us poverty
And fills our heads with mental disease
Your god must be the King of Kings
Your god whipped up global warming
Pollution and jihadists’ warnings
Your god was, is and will be everything

Your god gave us Typhoid Mary
Jack the Ripper and harikari
And yet you say your god’s the supreme being
Your god gave us civil war
Prostitution and a whole lot more
Perhaps your god is really just miss thing

Snap-snap...

And if all of that’s not enough
Your god has gone and done more stuff
Just when you thought the worst of it was through
But of all of your god’s bad decisions
The one for which he can’t be forgiven
Is that your god’s made you into a stooge
So keep your god but don’t let your god fool you

chords:
C-F-C-G
C-F-C-G-C


copyright 2008 Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.
Track Name: Christ Got Hung
Christ Got Hung But I Got A Hangover
12/25/12 - FtLd


Christ got hung but I got a hangover (3x)
On a christmas day

Set him up on two 2 by 4's
Got one at Home Depot and the other at Lowes
Used a Makita to nail him down
Cause the Bland & Decker was out of town

Christ got hung but I got a hangover (3x)
On a christmas day

Set him upright in the noon day sun
Said stay there boy til your father comes
And if you need a dis-traction
Well why don’t you just download something

Christ got hung but I got a hangover (3x)
On a christmas day

Let him hang there til he died
Brought him a present every night
Then took him down and washed him clean
Wrapped him in a shroud from Calvary

Christ got hung but I got a hangover (3x)
On a christmas day

Knew it’d all end up on the silver screen
So three him in the back with old James Dean
Signed ‘em on the dotted line for keeps
Then drove them both down to New Orleans

Christ got hung but I got a hangover (3x)
On a christmas day

Christ got a gig at old Lefitte’s
Working for trade down on Bourbon Street
Walmart dressed - low prices every day
But before you get, christ you gotta pay

Christ got hung but I got a hangover (3x)
On a christmas day

So every year on the 25th
Instead of love we just give gifts
So please won’t you tell me why we say
Christ is come and then we pay

Christ got hung but I got a hangover (3x)
On a christmas day


verse:
Em - Am - Em


chorus:
Em - Am - B


copyright 2012 Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.
Track Name: Death's Aria
Death’s Aria - a love song
10/22/13 - FtLd


When everyone around you
Has left and gone away
When everything you hold onto
Slowly fades away

When there are no more thoughts
And nothing left to say
My shroud surrounds you
And takes you far away

Back to the great unknown
Back to where you once belonged
This is my song
This is my song
I sing for you
This is my song
This is my song
I sing to you
When everything
Everything is through

When no one can touch you
And nothing can be found
When there is no more breath
To carry any sound

Reach out your arms to me
And I will still be there
To carry you forever
To carry you back here

Back to the great unknown
Back to where you once belonged
This is my song
This is my song
I sing for you
This is my song
This is my song
I sing to you
When nothing else
Nothing else will do

This is my song
This is my song
I sing for you
This is my song
This is my song
I sing to you
When there is nothing left
Except for me and you


intro/inter:
53.63 - 53.61 - 52


verse:
53.63 - 42.53 - 49.57 - 45.57
53.63 - 42.53 - 47.59 - 49.57
53.63 - 42.53
39.47.59 - 37.45.57
53.63 - 53.61
28.49.57 - 212.412.510


chorus:
32.42 - 42.54 - 53.61 - 43.53
35.45.53 - 37.47.55
55.63 - 17.57
35.45.53 - 37.47.55
55.63 - 42.54 - 42.53
22.42.53 - 22.52.63 - 52.63


end:
53.63 - 53.61 - 52
53.63 - 53.61 - 44.52 - 45.55
then chorus from 35.45.53
ending on 52.63


copyright 2013 Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.
Track Name: Stains And Smells
Stains and Smells
05/01/10 - NMB

Now people always askin
More and more
Why am I here
And what’s it all for

They all dyin to know
Before they die
How they can live forever
And stay alive

So they run around
Doin this and that
They cry a few tears
And have a few laughs

When life ain’t nothin
But stains and smells

Uh you can be a good boy
And do as your told
Or you can do
Sex drugs and rock and roll

And it don’t matter
What you buy or sell
And you go to heaven
Or go to hell
Cause life ain’t nothin
But stains and smells

Now looky here
Little Suzy Q
You can do the jitter-bug
And the looptey-lou

You can see all the sights
And ride all the rides
You can run but baby
You can not hide

And you can tell the truth
Or you can tell a lie
But your never gettin out
Of life alive

Cause life ain’t nothin
But stains and smells

Uh you can be a good christian
Muslim or jew
Or you can pull all da pedals
Off the flowers too

And if you take the orgasm
Out of sex
Everyone knows
What you got left
Cause life ain’t nothin
But stains and smells

Now people don’t you fret
Yeah don’t you fear
Smoke a few doobies
And drink a few beers

Listen to da music
And sing along
Dance a few dances
And fire up a storm

And in the end you only get
What you get
But you must always remember
And never forget

That life ain’t nothin
But stains and smells

Uh you can be a good girl
And do as your told
Or you can do
Sex drugs and rock and roll

And it don’t matter
What you buy or sell
And you go to heaven
Or go to hell
Cause life ain’t nothin
But stains and smells

verse:
Em - Am - Em - B - Em

chorus:
Am - Em - B - Em

inter:
Am - Em - Am - B


copyright 2010 Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.
Track Name: Every Time (ballad to a vampire)
Every Time (ballad to a vampire)
07/17/11 - FtLd


Bright lights begin the day
The ending of the night
Roll down the shades
Leave the sidewalks on the side

Death is just a little boy
Who can’t make up his mind
And pity is the little girl
Who serves your tea on time
Every time

Pour yourself a cup of milk
Or maybe some whiskey
Purity is poisonous
So won’t you have a sip with me

Your heart was just a memory
That laughed each time you cried
So if you find a remnant
You can break it one more time
Every time

Sleep until the sun goes down
Hide away in dreams
There’s nothing in the daylight
That you really want to see

And death is just a little boy
Who can’t make up his mind
And pity is the little girl
Who serves your tea on time
Every time

When you wake you’ll find the day
Has left you far behind
The night calls out its mysteries
That make you come alive

So rise up and stretch your wings
To forage you must fly
To feast in bars and alleyways
To while away the time
Every time

And when you find the blood that bears
Your name the price is paid
To leave your mark and leave your heart
Is always a mistake

Cause death is just a little boy
Who can’t make up his mind
And pity is the little girl
Who serves your tea on time
Every time


verse:
E - Amf4(C#m)
Ef2(F#) - A7f2(B7)
(all 2x)


chorus:
Amf4(C#m) - 34.46.56 (G#m)
Ef2(F#) - A7F2(B7)
Amf4(C#m) - 34.46.56 (G#m)
Ef2(F#) - Ef1(F) - 32.41.52


end:
27.36.47 - 37.46.57


copyright 2011 Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.
Track Name: Christ I Was Deceived
Christ I Was Deceived
01/21/12 - FtLd


Christ I had another one
Another one had me
Christ was not the only one
Who died for his belief
In a simple reason
That you and I could be
Happy together
Christ I was deceived

Christ I gave a little
But you took a lot from me
Christ was always saying
To turn the other cheek
But if I do I’ll be black and blue
On that one too for sure
So christ you better be praying
I don’t see you round here no more

And christ I’m only living
Cause the living they ain’t dead
And if christ could raise me up
You know he’d throw me back again
Cause this living it ain’t easy
And it don’t last very long
So buy me another round
Before I do something wrong


chords:
110.48.59
28.48.57
17.45.56
25.45.54
13.42.53
28.49.57
23.42.53
47.56.67


copyright 2012 Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.
Track Name: God's Day Out
God’s Day Out
05/11/08 - NMB


I was whiling away the day
At the Your Big Picture Cafe
Just enjoying a few beers
When there suddenly appeared
Right out of thin air
Someone sitting next to my chair
So I turned my head to see
God staring back at me
Saying sailor have you got a light
And if you think this is queer
Then buckle up my dear
Cause it’s gonna be a bumpy night

Cause god’s a
Hermaphroditic, narcissistic
Gender bending, solipsistic
Southern baptist jew
Who likes to hang out with mohamed
Read the koran and kabalah
With buddha and krishna too
God’s working 24/7
Taking orders up in heaven
From the vatican and ebay goons
Saying please give it a rest
And clean up your own mess
Cause I need a vacation soon

And I said God this is so cool
To be sitting next to you
I can’t believe that you’re really here
But God said keep your pants on son
Cause this won’t last very long
I’m only here for one or two beers
You see it’s so screwed up upstairs
That when I spend a day down here
It all goes to hell and back again
Then I must stay up all night
To figure out who has been nice
And who’s committed sin

Cause god’s a...

Then I said God what do you mean
I thought that we were in your dreams
And the apples of your eye
But god replied
You’re not too bad
Yet it really is quite sad
How you’ve turned out after all I’ve tried
And suddenly I realized
That maybe something was awry
And things weren’t quite what they seemed
So I burst out into tears
And said god I am so scared
That you’re no longer in love with me

And god said oh my dear child
Seems your brain’s stuck in idle
From all the lies you’ve been told
You’ve shrouded me in mysticism
And killed yourselves over religion
So if I may be so bold
While I care for you it’s true
I care for everything else too
And your big bang theory’s unclear
You see I was eating baked beans
When I farted and it seems
That’s how you all suddenly appeared

Cause god’s a....

So I was whiling away the day
At the You Big Picture Cafe
Just enjoying a few beers
When suddenly there disappeared
Right back into thin air
The god who had once been there
So when you’re nothing more than gas
You can bet your sweet ass
These experiences never last
So if you ever should see god
Remember it’s not odd if god
Sticks you with the bar tab

Cause god’s a...

And if you don’t listen to me
Well you just wait and see
I’ll make george bush
President
Permanently


chords:
A - E
A - Bm
D - A - F#
Bm - E - A


copyright 2008 Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.

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