2014 - Holy HoliDaze

by Bob Who and The Little Criminals

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1.
Your God 03:44
Your God 03/23/08 - NMB (preamble) Brothers and sisters, I’ve come to talk to you today about churches. There are many kinds of churches in the world today brothers and sisters. As for me, I belong to the Church of the Holy Smart Ass, where we say if you think you’re smart, you’re probably an ass. Now, we at the Church of the Holy Smart Ass believe in just two things. The first thing we at the Church of the Holy Smart Ass believe is that religion is like masturbation, in that it should be enjoyed to the full extent of the law, but in the privacy of your own home. Now the second thing that we at the Church of the Holy Smart Ass believe in is that god is like masturbation, in that if you get too close, things get messy and sticky. Now there’s only one thing that we at the Church of the Holy Smart Ass dislike, and those are the religious freaks who say that their god is the god, the one and only god who is everywhere and everything to everyone all of the time now and forever, and if you disagree with them, well then they have the right to kill you. These people piss us off. So when we at the Church of the Holy Smart Ass run into one of these religious weirdos, we like to sing them this song. (song) My friend you say your god’s the one And he orders you to kill everyone Who disagrees with what he tells you to do Well let me tell you a thing or two About what your god has been up to And then maybe you will sing a different tune Your god made Lucifer Moa Tse-Tung, Adolf Hitler Your god really has got some gall Your god made world war two And wiped out nearly all the jews Your god really has done it all Your god made the inquisition Breast cancer and drug addiction Ain’t there nothin that you’re god can’t do Your god gave us the plague And all them African American slaves So we must owe your god everlasting gratitude Your god made radioactive waste And put toxins in Chinese toothpaste But that’s not all that your god has done Your god made the KKK The NRA and Ronald Reagan It must be a sin to have a god that’s so much fun Have fun... Your god gave us poverty And fills our heads with mental disease Your god must be the King of Kings Your god whipped up global warming Pollution and jihadists’ warnings Your god was, is and will be everything Your god gave us Typhoid Mary Jack the Ripper and harikari And yet you say your god’s the supreme being Your god gave us civil war Prostitution and a whole lot more Perhaps your god is really just miss thing Snap-snap... And if all of that’s not enough Your god has gone and done more stuff Just when you thought the worst of it was through But of all of your god’s bad decisions The one for which he can’t be forgiven Is that your god’s made you into a stooge So keep your god but don’t let your god fool you chords: C-F-C-G C-F-C-G-C copyright 2008 Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.
2.
Christ Got Hung But I Got A Hangover 12/25/12 - FtLd Christ got hung but I got a hangover (3x) On a christmas day Set him up on two 2 by 4's Got one at Home Depot and the other at Lowes Used a Makita to nail him down Cause the Bland & Decker was out of town Christ got hung but I got a hangover (3x) On a christmas day Set him upright in the noon day sun Said stay there boy til your father comes And if you need a dis-traction Well why don’t you just download something Christ got hung but I got a hangover (3x) On a christmas day Let him hang there til he died Brought him a present every night Then took him down and washed him clean Wrapped him in a shroud from Calvary Christ got hung but I got a hangover (3x) On a christmas day Knew it’d all end up on the silver screen So three him in the back with old James Dean Signed ‘em on the dotted line for keeps Then drove them both down to New Orleans Christ got hung but I got a hangover (3x) On a christmas day Christ got a gig at old Lefitte’s Working for trade down on Bourbon Street Walmart dressed - low prices every day But before you get, christ you gotta pay Christ got hung but I got a hangover (3x) On a christmas day So every year on the 25th Instead of love we just give gifts So please won’t you tell me why we say Christ is come and then we pay Christ got hung but I got a hangover (3x) On a christmas day verse: Em - Am - Em chorus: Em - Am - B copyright 2012 Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.
3.
Death's Aria 03:39
Death’s Aria - a love song 10/22/13 - FtLd When everyone around you Has left and gone away When everything you hold onto Slowly fades away When there are no more thoughts And nothing left to say My shroud surrounds you And takes you far away Back to the great unknown Back to where you once belonged This is my song This is my song I sing for you This is my song This is my song I sing to you When everything Everything is through When no one can touch you And nothing can be found When there is no more breath To carry any sound Reach out your arms to me And I will still be there To carry you forever To carry you back here Back to the great unknown Back to where you once belonged This is my song This is my song I sing for you This is my song This is my song I sing to you When nothing else Nothing else will do This is my song This is my song I sing for you This is my song This is my song I sing to you When there is nothing left Except for me and you intro/inter: 53.63 - 53.61 - 52 verse: 53.63 - 42.53 - 49.57 - 45.57 53.63 - 42.53 - 47.59 - 49.57 53.63 - 42.53 39.47.59 - 37.45.57 53.63 - 53.61 28.49.57 - 212.412.510 chorus: 32.42 - 42.54 - 53.61 - 43.53 35.45.53 - 37.47.55 55.63 - 17.57 35.45.53 - 37.47.55 55.63 - 42.54 - 42.53 22.42.53 - 22.52.63 - 52.63 end: 53.63 - 53.61 - 52 53.63 - 53.61 - 44.52 - 45.55 then chorus from 35.45.53 ending on 52.63 copyright 2013 Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.
4.
Stains and Smells 05/01/10 - NMB Now people always askin More and more Why am I here And what’s it all for They all dyin to know Before they die How they can live forever And stay alive So they run around Doin this and that They cry a few tears And have a few laughs When life ain’t nothin But stains and smells Uh you can be a good boy And do as your told Or you can do Sex drugs and rock and roll And it don’t matter What you buy or sell And you go to heaven Or go to hell Cause life ain’t nothin But stains and smells Now looky here Little Suzy Q You can do the jitter-bug And the looptey-lou You can see all the sights And ride all the rides You can run but baby You can not hide And you can tell the truth Or you can tell a lie But your never gettin out Of life alive Cause life ain’t nothin But stains and smells Uh you can be a good christian Muslim or jew Or you can pull all da pedals Off the flowers too And if you take the orgasm Out of sex Everyone knows What you got left Cause life ain’t nothin But stains and smells Now people don’t you fret Yeah don’t you fear Smoke a few doobies And drink a few beers Listen to da music And sing along Dance a few dances And fire up a storm And in the end you only get What you get But you must always remember And never forget That life ain’t nothin But stains and smells Uh you can be a good girl And do as your told Or you can do Sex drugs and rock and roll And it don’t matter What you buy or sell And you go to heaven Or go to hell Cause life ain’t nothin But stains and smells verse: Em - Am - Em - B - Em chorus: Am - Em - B - Em inter: Am - Em - Am - B copyright 2010 Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.
5.
Every Time (ballad to a vampire) 07/17/11 - FtLd Bright lights begin the day The ending of the night Roll down the shades Leave the sidewalks on the side Death is just a little boy Who can’t make up his mind And pity is the little girl Who serves your tea on time Every time Pour yourself a cup of milk Or maybe some whiskey Purity is poisonous So won’t you have a sip with me Your heart was just a memory That laughed each time you cried So if you find a remnant You can break it one more time Every time Sleep until the sun goes down Hide away in dreams There’s nothing in the daylight That you really want to see And death is just a little boy Who can’t make up his mind And pity is the little girl Who serves your tea on time Every time When you wake you’ll find the day Has left you far behind The night calls out its mysteries That make you come alive So rise up and stretch your wings To forage you must fly To feast in bars and alleyways To while away the time Every time And when you find the blood that bears Your name the price is paid To leave your mark and leave your heart Is always a mistake Cause death is just a little boy Who can’t make up his mind And pity is the little girl Who serves your tea on time Every time verse: E - Amf4(C#m) Ef2(F#) - A7f2(B7) (all 2x) chorus: Amf4(C#m) - 34.46.56 (G#m) Ef2(F#) - A7F2(B7) Amf4(C#m) - 34.46.56 (G#m) Ef2(F#) - Ef1(F) - 32.41.52 end: 27.36.47 - 37.46.57 copyright 2011 Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.
6.
Christ I Was Deceived 01/21/12 - FtLd Christ I had another one Another one had me Christ was not the only one Who died for his belief In a simple reason That you and I could be Happy together Christ I was deceived Christ I gave a little But you took a lot from me Christ was always saying To turn the other cheek But if I do I’ll be black and blue On that one too for sure So christ you better be praying I don’t see you round here no more And christ I’m only living Cause the living they ain’t dead And if christ could raise me up You know he’d throw me back again Cause this living it ain’t easy And it don’t last very long So buy me another round Before I do something wrong chords: 110.48.59 28.48.57 17.45.56 25.45.54 13.42.53 28.49.57 23.42.53 47.56.67 copyright 2012 Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.
7.
God’s Day Out 05/11/08 - NMB I was whiling away the day At the Your Big Picture Cafe Just enjoying a few beers When there suddenly appeared Right out of thin air Someone sitting next to my chair So I turned my head to see God staring back at me Saying sailor have you got a light And if you think this is queer Then buckle up my dear Cause it’s gonna be a bumpy night Cause god’s a Hermaphroditic, narcissistic Gender bending, solipsistic Southern baptist jew Who likes to hang out with mohamed Read the koran and kabalah With buddha and krishna too God’s working 24/7 Taking orders up in heaven From the vatican and ebay goons Saying please give it a rest And clean up your own mess Cause I need a vacation soon And I said God this is so cool To be sitting next to you I can’t believe that you’re really here But God said keep your pants on son Cause this won’t last very long I’m only here for one or two beers You see it’s so screwed up upstairs That when I spend a day down here It all goes to hell and back again Then I must stay up all night To figure out who has been nice And who’s committed sin Cause god’s a... Then I said God what do you mean I thought that we were in your dreams And the apples of your eye But god replied You’re not too bad Yet it really is quite sad How you’ve turned out after all I’ve tried And suddenly I realized That maybe something was awry And things weren’t quite what they seemed So I burst out into tears And said god I am so scared That you’re no longer in love with me And god said oh my dear child Seems your brain’s stuck in idle From all the lies you’ve been told You’ve shrouded me in mysticism And killed yourselves over religion So if I may be so bold While I care for you it’s true I care for everything else too And your big bang theory’s unclear You see I was eating baked beans When I farted and it seems That’s how you all suddenly appeared Cause god’s a.... So I was whiling away the day At the You Big Picture Cafe Just enjoying a few beers When suddenly there disappeared Right back into thin air The god who had once been there So when you’re nothing more than gas You can bet your sweet ass These experiences never last So if you ever should see god Remember it’s not odd if god Sticks you with the bar tab Cause god’s a... And if you don’t listen to me Well you just wait and see I’ll make george bush President Permanently chords: A - E A - Bm D - A - F# Bm - E - A copyright 2008 Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.

about

Bob Who and The Little Criminals tracks recorded from 2007 through 2017. In addition to final engineering, mixing and mastering, Bob Who (Robert Ben Mitchell) wrote all these songs, and provided vocals and rhythm guitar on all of the tracks. The Little Criminals, an assortment of musicians for hire, provided all other instrumentation.


Copyright © 2017, Robert Ben Mitchell, all rights reserved.

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released October 21, 2017

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Bob Who and The Little Criminals Florida

email: trafn@yahoo.com

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